It's been a rough week or so. I've had a personal situation going on in my family that I really don't want to get into here on my blog but trust me when I tell you that it weighs on me heavily. I try to be as optimistic as possible and for the most part I am. Maybe not quite to the level of my girlfriend Cheryl but she's in a league of her own. I think I would even nominate her for president of the "Optimist Society". Is there such an organization? I might look that up...
When a member of your family is hurting or in danger it hurts badly. It dominates most of my thinking and it can really cause a depressive state in me. As I said, I try to remain optimistic. I usually go to bed at night thinking that tomorrow is a new day and it's going to be better. Today started out a little sluggish but after some morning coffee and a few activities around the house I went to a noon time AA meeting with my roommate. It was a good meeting as someone was celebrating one year of sobriety. That's always a very special celebration. I heard some really good things and I felt good. But then I came back home and lost any motivation that I had going on up to that point. I slipped into that sluggish state of mind and before I knew it I was laying down to nap. A long nap!!
I got up a late in the afternoon and tried to get going again. I just recently got a set of drums so I started to play for a bit. It was nice! Playing the drums for me has always been a good way to release some stress. I then did a quick food shopping stop and went to another AA meeting. The topic was on the first step. Actually someone read a little passage out of the Big Book from the "Doctors Opinion". It was another good meeting and, for today, just another reminder of something that caused a lot of un-manageability in my life. As my roommate likes to say, "If I have four problems and I pick up a drink I now have five".
As I approach my own celebration of sobriety in July - 3 years on July 18th - I have to realize that happiness and positive attitudes are not an automatic just because I have stopped drinking and drugging. In fact, I still have the same tendencies to isolate and become consumed in my thoughts that I had before I got sober. I'm still learning how to be consistent with the things in life that keep me on track. Consistency was never one of my strong points and I still struggle with it. I know that I also need to give myself a break sometimes because there are things in life that are just not very pleasant. No matter how much we try to see the good in life and experience the joy of living, sometimes things just hurt.
PS. I googled "Optimist Society" and this is what I found. Lets start your campaign honey.
This is a really good way to express what's going on in your soul. Sometimes things just do hurt. Then they get better.
ReplyDelete1. Sometimes a good nap is what we all need. It doesn't make the problems go away, but we sometimes can handle them better.
ReplyDelete2. Congrats on your upcoming three year anniversary. I know that this milestone did not come without blood, sweat, and tears and substantial strength on your part.
3. When a family member is hurting, it's like a black cloud hanging over us. It's the first thing we think about in the morning upon waking, and the last we think of at night. And one of the hardest parts of this is accepting the fact that even though their lives affect us greatly, they must travel their own journey in their own way.